Study of The Gift of Imperfection – Brene’ Brown, Phd
Love is the most important thing in our lives, a passion for which we would fight or die, and yet we’re reluctant to linger over its names. Without a supple vocabulary, we can’t even talk or think about it directly. Diane Ackerman Diane Ackerman
If you have ever been made to feel you were not “lovable” or “worthy” of love it becomes a tremendous struggle to believe you are truly loved. I know this from my own personal life experiences.
“ If we want to fully experience love and belonging, we must believe that we are worthy of love and belonging. When we can let go of what other people think and own our story, we gain access to our worthiness—the feeling that we are enough just as we are and that we are worthy of love and belonging. When we spend a lifetime trying to distance ourselves from the parts of our lives that don’t fit with who we think we’re supposed to be, we stand outside of our story and hustle for our worthiness by constantly performing, perfecting, pleasing, and proving. Our sense of worthiness—that critically important piece that gives us access to love and belonging—lives inside of our story.”
Deep in my mind there is always a voice reminding me of why I am not lovable or worthy. Have you ever experienced this?
“The greatest challenge for most of us is believing that we are worthy now, right this minute. Worthiness doesn’t have prerequisites. So many of us have knowingly created/unknowingly allowed/been handed down a long list of worthiness prerequisites:
- I’ll be worthy when I lose twenty pounds.
- I’ll be worthy if I can get pregnant.
- I’ll be worthy if I get/stay sober.
- I’ll be worthy if everyone thinks I’m a good parent.
- I’ll be worthy when I can make a living selling my art.
- I’ll be worthy if I can hold my marriage together.
- I’ll be worthy when I make partner.
- I’ll be worthy when my parents finally approve.
- I’ll be worthy if he calls back and asks me out.
- I’ll be worthy when I can do it all and look like I’m not even trying.
Here’s what is truly at the heart of Wholeheartedness: Worthy now. Not if. Not when. We are worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is.
In addition to letting go of the ifs and whens, another critical piece of owning our story and claiming our worthiness is cultivating a better understanding of love and belonging. Oddly enough, we desperately need both but rarely talk about what they really are and how they work.”
Tonight I hope you will search your heart and write down a list of any reasons you may feel unlovable or unworthy.
In this week when we are exploring the power of love, belonging and being enough may we all find healing and encouragement.