For Real, Elaine?!

Little Christ

March 6, 2021

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Author-Andrea Haynes

Sunday morning, every Sunday night, every Wednesday and with all of the youth events growing up. I mean I even had a mother who made sure God was talked about, preached about & sang about BUT I still didn’t personally know him. Just of him. Just like you can go to a sporting event multiple times each year and know certain facts about it. Facts like how many teams play, how many innings there are, the task of certain players, but never really know how it all works/is played.
Oh friends, it’s a complete black and white, day and night difference once you do truly know Him. I have been by far the “perfect” Christian- if there is even such a thing. Do you know where the term “Christian” comes from? It comes from the Greek word christianos meaning “Little Christ.” It was meant to be a mockery of Christ followers back in Bible times. As in “look, there’s the ‘little Christ.’” But what non-believers meant as an insult became a blessing for billions of people. What a perfect term for us Christ followers! Little Christ. Perfect because that’s what we should be seen as, Little Christ, as in seen as “just” like Him. Made in His image. Our character refined to be like His. A continuous reflection of Jesus.
So when I say I was “by far the perfect Christian” I mean I was not behaving as a Little Christ. The complete opposite actually. Behaving the exact way the enemy wanted me to; building walls to separate me from my Father. BUT let me tell you EACH time God draws me back in, it’s like an instant switch is turned back on; aka the light of God is back on the inside. Instantly knowing right from wrong again thanks to past knowledge and the gentle nudges from the Holy Spirit.
Each time I don’t know why I even left. There is such a sweet, sweet peace in His presence. A peace that NOTHING else can match. No man, no woman, no friendship, no hobby, no drink, no pill, no drug, no job- NOTHING. However, that’s what the enemy wants us to think. That those things will help fill that void. He wants to build up walls and keep us occupied with anything other than the one thing that will truly fill that longing. What we are actually yearning for is a personal relationship with God. Don’t get me wrong relationships are important. I mean the Bible even says “it’s not good for man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18 NIV) BUT the most important relationship we need to cultivate is our relationship with the one who should mean the most in our lives- God.
If we have a strong foundation, relationship, with Him, then it helps all of our other relationships bloom. Including the one with ourselves. Just like most flowers can’t grow on rocky foundations neither can our relationships. Don’t get me wrong; there are some flowers that can grow on rocky foundations, but they have shallow roots, low water needs, & low nutrient needs. That’s not us friends! With shallow roots, they can be easily ripped up and blown away. We need DEEP, unshakable roots.
We need TONS of water. Did you know our bodies are made up of 60% water? The brain and heart are composed of 73% water, and the lungs are about 83% water. The skin contains 64% water, muscles and kidneys are 79%, and even the bones are watery: 31%. So we literally need water to survive. The kind you drink and living water. Jesus says in John 4:14 “but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”
Fulfilling nutrients are also a must for us. And nothing can fill us up like Christ. He fills us with the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23 NIV). There are no other fulfilling nutrients like the ones Christ gives. I mean He is the bread of life (John 6:48)!
I pray today that we will all seek Him. Seek to truly know our Father. The one who sees every single flaw, every single mistake, every time we fall down, every scar that we made ourselves or others gave us BUT loves us anyway. The one who sees us the same way He did when He formed us in our mother’s womb (Jeremiah 1:5). I pray you come to know Him on a personal level. A closeness that fills the void, heals even the deepest scars, breaks the chains that hold you down and makes it where you can finally breaths again.

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Shame Resilience/What Does Shame Look Like?

March 5, 2021

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The Gifts of Imperfection – Brene’ Brown, Ph.D.

The four elements of shame resilience:
- Name it.
- Talk about it.
- Own your story.
- Tell the story.
Story is about worthiness and embracing the imperfections that bring us courage, compassion, and connection. If we want to live fully, without the constant fear of not being enough, we have to own our story. We also have to respond to shame in a way that doesn’t exacerbate our shame. One way to do that is to recognize when we’re in shame so we can react with intention.

GUILT definition from the Cambridge English Dictionary, a feeling of worry or unhappiness that you have because you have done something wrong, such as causing harm to another person.

SHAME definition from the Cambridge English Dictionary, a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior. If something is described as a shame, it is disappointing or not satisfactory.

Cruelty is never brave—it’s mostly cheap and easy, especially in today’s culture.
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Matthew 3 Highlights

March 5, 2021

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1. Almost 30 years had passed since the events of Matthew 2.
2. John the Baptist prepares the way for Jesus preaching “repent of your sins and turn to God, for the Kingdom of Heaven is near.” Isaiah 40:3
3. John was completely different from other religious leaders. They were greedy, selfish and sought the praise of people.
4. John wore odd clothes and ate strange food. He lived differently to show he was not like the other religious leaders.
5. Many people from all over came to hear John the Baptist. Possibly out of curiosity but, when they heard him speak they confessed their sins and he baptized them in the Jordan River.
6. John was not afraid to denounce the Pharisee and Sadducees in public.
7. John the Baptist proclaimed the truth of God’s Word without fear.
8. John told of the coming of Jesus “He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and with fire.”
9. Jesus came to the Jordan River to be baptized by John the Baptist.
10. As Jesus rose up out of the water, the heavens were opened and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and settling on Him. A voice from heaven said,
“This is my dearly loved Son, who brings me great joy.”
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Difference Between Shame and Guilt

March 4, 2021

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The Gifts of Imperfection – Brene’ Brown Ph.D.

“What’s the difference between shame and guilt? The majority of shame researchers and clinicians agree that the difference between shame and guilt is best understood as the differences between “I am bad” and “I did something bad.”

Guilt = I did something bad.

Shame = I am bad.

In the book “Changes That Heal,” Dr. Henry Cloud describes how Adam and Eve first felt shame:

“Without grace, Adam and Eve felt shame: when they heard God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, they hid from him. When God called out, “Where are you?” Adam explained that he was hiding because he was afraid (Gen. 3:8–10). Shame and guilt had entered the world; human beings were no longer safe. After Adam and Eve cut themselves off from a relationship with God, they also severed their connection to grace and truth, for those come through relationship with God.

“Shame is about who we are, and guilt is about our behaviors. We feel guilty when we hold up something we’ve done or failed to do against the kind of person we want to be. It’s an uncomfortable feeling, but one that’s helpful. When we apologize for something we’ve done, make amends to others, or change a behavior that we don’t feel good about, guilt is most often the motivator. Guilt is just as powerful as shame, but its effect is often positive while shame often is destructive. When we see people apologize, make amends, or replace negative behaviors with more positive ones, guilt is often the motivator, not shame. In fact, in my research, I found that shame corrodes the part of us that believes we can change and do better.”

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Matthew 2 Highlights

March 4, 2021

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1. Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Judea while Herod was King.
2. Wise men following the Jesus star traveled many miles to come and worship the “newborn king of the Jews.
3. Herod was not the rightful heir to the throne of David, so he became very disturbed and paranoid when he heard of the birth of Jesus.
4. The prophet Micah had written:
“‘And you, O Bethlehem in the land of Judah,

are not least among the ruling cities of Judah,

for a ruler will come from you

who will be the shepherd for my people Israel.” Micah 5:2
1. Herod was a wicked and deceitful man. After talking with the wisemen he asked them to return and locate the baby Jesus so he could kill Jesus.
2. The wisemen blessed Joseph, Mary and Jesus with gifts. They bowed down and worshipped Jesus. (They recognized Jesus as the Messiah).
3. When it was time for the wisemen to leave they returned to their own country, because God had spoken to them in a dream. The wise men did not inform Herod of Jesus’ location.
4. An angel appears to Joseph in a dream and Joseph obeys instructions and takes his family to Egypt.
5. When Herod realized the wisemen had betrayed him he became furious. He ordered all male children under the age of two years old to be killed in an obsessive attempt to kill Jesus. Jeremiah 31:15 (And we complain about the pandemic)!
6. When Herod died, an angel appeared to Joseph in a dream and told him to take his family back to Israel. Hosea 11:1
7. While in Israel, Joseph was warned by an angel of the Lord to leave and the family went to Nazareth.
8. The scriptures in bold are prophecies fulfilled by the birth of Jesus the son of God.
Sidebar: Do you think God speaks to you in your dreams?
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Shame Resilience 101

March 3, 2021

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The Gifts of Imperfection – Brene’ Brown Ph.D.

“‘Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.’”

Shame causes us to feel unworthy and unlovable. Even when my Yorkie (Lilly) does something she knows is wrong – like chewing up my favorite pair of reading glasses; poor Lilly will hang her head in shame. Shame limits her usually happy and friendly personality.

“Here are the first three things that you need to know about shame:
- We all have it. Shame is universal and one of the most primitive human emotions that we experience. The only people who don’t experience shame lack the capacity for empathy and human connection.
- We’re all afraid to talk about shame.
- The less we talk about shame, the more control it has over our lives.”
“SHAME IS ALL ABOUT FEAR.”

“In addition to the fear of disappointing people or pushing them away with our stories, we’re also afraid that if we tell our stories, the weight of a single experience will collapse upon us. There is a real fear that we can be buried or defined by an experience that, in reality, is only a sliver of who we are.”

YES!! Brene’ Brown just hit the nail on the head! If I tell people–will they ever be able to look at me without blame or pity or worse—disgust in their eyes? Will they think I am foolish or weak minded? What if? What if? What if? FEAR is huge! In my eyes the swamp may be filled with a lot of hungry alligators just waiting to chew me up.

“Shame needs three things to grow out of control in our lives: secrecy, silence, and judgment. When something shaming happens and we keep it locked up, it festers and grows. It consumes us. We need to share our experience. Shame happens between people, and it heals between people. If we can find someone who has earned the right to hear our story, we need to tell it. Shame loses power when it is spoken. In this way, we need to cultivate our story to let go of shame, and we need to develop shame resilience in order to cultivate our story. After a decade of research, I found that men and women with high levels of shame resilience share these four elements:
- They understand shame and recognize what messages and expectations trigger shame for them.
- They practice critical awareness by reality-checking the messages and expectations that tell us that being imperfect means being inadequate.
- They reach out and share their stories with people they trust.
- They speak shame—they use the word shame, they talk about how they’re feeling, and they ask for what they need.”
Tomorrow we will discuss the difference between guilt and shame.

Is it not natural and necessary to feel like a quilt whenever we do something wrong or immoral? Shouldn’t we be ashamed?
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Matthew 1 Highlights

March 3, 2021

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Matthew was a Jewish tax collector who became one of Jesus’ twelve disciples. The book of Matthew’s purpose is to prove that Jesus is the Messiah, the anointed and promised eternal King, our Savior.
1. Matthew list the Jewish family line of Jesus. Jesus was a descendant of Abraham, the father of all Jews, God’s chosen people.
2. The first 17 verses of Matthew span 2000 years, 46 individual people are listed. All were ancestors of Jesus.
3. The ancestors of Jesus had different personalities and spiritual levels of maturity.
4. Some ancestors were champions of faith, like Abraham, Ruth and David.
5. Some ancestors had bad reputations like Rahab and Tamar.
6. God is not limited in who He can work through.
7. Jesus was conceived by the Holy Spirit.
8. Joseph was faced with a very difficult situation when he learned Mary was pregnant.
9. God’s wisdom and guidance helped Joseph to make the right decision.
10. Angels are spiritual beings created by God who help carry out his work.
11. Joseph chose to obey God’s command through the angel.
12. When our decisions affect the lives of others, we must always seek God’s wisdom and then be willing to follow God’s direction no matter how difficult.
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The Things That Get In The Way II

March 2, 2021

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The Gifts of Imperfection – Brene’ Brown Ph.D.

“In Jungian circles, shame is often referred to as the swampland of the soul. I’m not suggesting that we wade out into the swamp and set up camp. I’ve done that and I can tell you that the swampland of the soul is an important place to visit, but you would not want to live there. What I’m proposing is that we learn how to wade through it. We need to see that standing on the shore and catastrophisizing about what could happen if we talked honestly about our fears is actually more painful than grabbing the hand of a trusted companion and crossing the swamp. And, most important, we need to learn why constantly trying to maintain our footing on the shifting shore as we gaze across to the other side of the swamp—where our worthiness waits for us—is much harder work than trudging across. “How-to” is a seductive shortcut, and I understand that. Why cross the swamp if you can just bypass it?”

I will be honest, I do not like to talk about past trauma in my life. It is over. I can’t change it so why dig it up? I have chosen to forgive and move on. Do I really need to go back into the swamp? Hmmmm? Let’s keep reading.

“But here’s the dilemma: Why is “how-to” so alluring when, truthfully, we already know “how to” yet we’re still standing in the same place longing for more joy, connection, and meaning? Most everyone reading this book knows how to eat healthy. I can tell you the Weight Watchers points for every food in the grocery store. I can recite the South Beach Phase I grocery shopping list and the glycemic index like they’re the Pledge of Allegiance. We know how to eat healthy. We also know how to make good choices with our money. We know how to take care of our emotional needs. We know all of this, yet… We are the most obese, medicated, addicted, and in-debt Americans EVER.”

I must admit every line above is true! I know all about “how-to” yet, I struggle. I have tried going to a counselor, both times I was afraid to tell them the truth. I guess you could say, I was afraid of “drowning in a swamp” I felt I had already escaped from.

What has your experience been talking about your past?

“We don’t talk about what keeps us eating until we’re sick, busy beyond human scale, desperate to numb and take the edge off, and full of so much anxiety and self-doubt that we can’t act on what we know is best for us. We don’t talk about the hustle for worthiness that’s become such a part of our lives that we don’t even realize that we’re dancing.”

Can you relate to dancing the “hustle for worthiness?”

I definitely can! My whole life had been one great hustle dance! Always trying to do everything right! Please everybody. Trying harder and doing more……always struggling to believe I was good enough.

“Shame is that warm feeling that washes over us, making us feel small, flawed, and never good enough. If we want to develop shame resilience—the ability to recognize shame and move through it while our worthiness and authenticity—then we have to talk about why shame happens. Honest conversations about shame can change the way we live, love, parent, work, and build relationships. I have more than one thousand letters and emails from readers of I Thought It Was Just Me, my book on shame resilience, that all say the same thing: “I can’t believe how much talking about shame changed my life!” (And I promise, even if you’re eating while you’re talking about shame, you’ll be okay.)”

As we go further into this study I hope you will find a new clarity of how amazing you are. I pray great healing and comfort will be found within our reading and discussions.

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Jude Highlights

March 2, 2021

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Jude wrote to motivate Christians to defend and protect their faith. He was writing against false teachers who were saying Christians could do as they pleased without fear of God’s punishment. Jude warns against turning away from a faithful commitment to Christ.
1. There are destructive consequences to sin.
2. God is Holy.
3. Jude gives three examples of rebellion:
- The nation of Israel refused to trust God and enter the Promised land(Numbers 14:26-39).
- Angels who gave into pride, joined Satan and rebelled against God (2 Peter 2:4).
- The cities of Sodom and Gomorrah- the people living within were so full of sin God wiped them off the face of the earth (Genesis 19:1-29).
1. Jude gives three examples of men who did whatever they wanted:
- Cain, who murdered his brother out of jealousy (Genesis 4:1-16).
- Balaam, who prophesied out of greed (Numbers 22-24).
- Korah, who rebelled wanting power for himself (Numbers 16:1-35).
1. Keep yourself safe by staying in God’s love.
2. Pray in the power of the Holy Spirit.
3. Hate sin but love the sinner.
4. Be careful not to become so much like unbelievers that no one can tell who you are or what you believe.
5. God can keep us from failing, and He guaranteed that if we will remain faithful, He will bring us into His presence with joy.
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March 1, 2021

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